Everyone asked themselves rhetorical questions about life and it's meaning. I on the other hand been asking when am I finally going to die. Life's been doll, unsatisfying, haha well maybe unsatisfying is too much. I guess there's nothing to do lately, wake up, go to work/school and then go home and then maybe go out occasionally. I'm a type of person who doesn't understand why some people can go out night after night and party or do the same thing. Maybe I'm asking for so much yet I sit here and do..nothing. Skipped out on clubbing two weeks ago, missed a nice airsoft game everyone is telling me about this Sunday. Well I had a good reason, to study, but I didn't study that much honestly! Worst of all, I got a C on that test which ticks me off! I'm mad at myself for that, especially since Thuy totally beat my score which makes me realize that I am a big dumbass. Unless she lied to me that she barely studied to make herself look good, which really worked, she did a great job.

Okay enough bullshit, so since I am not contempt with my life I will try to change it! And I really mean try, no promises.

First quitting of the kancersticks......... . . . Honest to whoever is up there, this shit is hard to do. I'm going to need more willpower and hopefully some encouragement. Despite the fact that my friends give me cigs when I ask for, besides Fabio. I have no one to blame but myself, I think I'll need a new strategy. Phuong told me if I stop smoking from now till she comes to visit I get a hug. Well I do appreciate her efforts and friendship to give me this motivation. I think chains will be necessary, or maybe some sort of curse that repels them away.

One thing that could help me is if Mai decides to hang out. I known her for a long time, but it's not a close friendship more of an acquaintance now. I actually haven't seen her since the last time we went out. Now do I believe her story that she has evil parents from Mars that keeps her locked up at home? Unlikely, she's immature enough to take things for granted. I tried asking her out a few times and we had good chats online which lead to just flirting and then no where. Bummer, I do find her attractive, but not the type of girl that is not on the same page as me. Abandon ship says my friends, not worth chasing if she doesn't react to anything I attempt.

Gabby tells me she likes the chase and girls love it so Mai could be doing this to me. I say screw that, she feeds off attention and probably is looking for some guy she can put a collar on.
Okay that was a little mean, Danny I know you woulds say "no it's not, bitch better respect" haha.
When you like someone its a pretty nice feeling, then you slowly start to look at aspects and would want to change this or that. But doesn't that ruin the image of that person that made you like them so much? What if I didn't like the way she dresses, is that enough for me to say no change your clothes and get mad about? Whatever she dresses in she's still the same person. What I'm trying to get through is that the perfect someone can be anyone you choose to be. Whoever said Love is blind is undoubtedly correct.

Well I remember a quote my dad told me when I was a freshmen one the way home from school, "no money no honey". Pretty broad dad thanks for the pep talk! He probably knew whats up I didn't have a clue but I noticed that month or something around there he made a few jokes about women. Normally he never does but It was pretty cool. I understand what he was trying to tell me, dad you did a lot for me and you're the best! HOnestly great advice, especially when you found that chick's panties in my room, "don't let your mom find this she will beat you". But looking at a down to earth perspective he's right! Love does not put food on the table as I was told by a friend's ex-girlfriend.

I remembered that conversation as I was at the courthouse on tuesday paying for my ticket. The lady at the window nicely told me my fine was 900 something dollars. That freaked me out and my heart stopped for a little bit. She then said once you show your proof of insurance it's the 157 price which revealed me. Crazy lady did that on purpose i presume for her amusement. I'd probably do the same to customers If I was her.

Other then that just your run about illegal activities to avoid fines here and there. Didn't really enjoy this month's paychecks "thank you state laws".

I got to make a new friend, besides that Chinese girl from the library. Whats her name... lyn? Wait no thats the girl from the coffee shop. Susan! Phuong's best friend, nice girl. Has a interesting perspective at sleeping. She did contridict herself a few times which I have a pet peeve against, but If I'm going to get on Phuong's nice side I should be on her friend's nice side too.

So I kept my mouth shut about that.

Also okie dokie was fun with the guys, ping pong drunk is good, I did notice I talk wayyy too much when I am drunk. Well not a lot actually but in my perspective more then usual. As professor Mead in his theory of the looking glass self, you adjust yourself to people's reaction to you. I am consciouses about my personality and behavior. Always trying to be a better person! =D never know, next life I might be a bug! But I don't believe in that bullcrap...

Well I doubt the mess I just wrote made much sense, but this is not english class.

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