Everyone asked themselves rhetorical questions about life and it's meaning. I on the other hand been asking when am I finally going to die. Life's been doll, unsatisfying, haha well maybe unsatisfying is too much. I guess there's nothing to do lately, wake up, go to work/school and then go home and then maybe go out occasionally. I'm a type of person who doesn't understand why some people can go out night after night and party or do the same thing. Maybe I'm asking for so much yet I sit here and do..nothing. Skipped out on clubbing two weeks ago, missed a nice airsoft game everyone is telling me about this Sunday. Well I had a good reason, to study, but I didn't study that much honestly! Worst of all, I got a C on that test which ticks me off! I'm mad at myself for that, especially since Thuy totally beat my score which makes me realize that I am a big dumbass. Unless she lied to me that she barely studied to make herself look good, which really worked, she did a great job.

Okay enough bullshit, so since I am not contempt with my life I will try to change it! And I really mean try, no promises.

First quitting of the kancersticks......... . . . Honest to whoever is up there, this shit is hard to do. I'm going to need more willpower and hopefully some encouragement. Despite the fact that my friends give me cigs when I ask for, besides Fabio. I have no one to blame but myself, I think I'll need a new strategy. Phuong told me if I stop smoking from now till she comes to visit I get a hug. Well I do appreciate her efforts and friendship to give me this motivation. I think chains will be necessary, or maybe some sort of curse that repels them away.

One thing that could help me is if Mai decides to hang out. I known her for a long time, but it's not a close friendship more of an acquaintance now. I actually haven't seen her since the last time we went out. Now do I believe her story that she has evil parents from Mars that keeps her locked up at home? Unlikely, she's immature enough to take things for granted. I tried asking her out a few times and we had good chats online which lead to just flirting and then no where. Bummer, I do find her attractive, but not the type of girl that is not on the same page as me. Abandon ship says my friends, not worth chasing if she doesn't react to anything I attempt.

Gabby tells me she likes the chase and girls love it so Mai could be doing this to me. I say screw that, she feeds off attention and probably is looking for some guy she can put a collar on.
Okay that was a little mean, Danny I know you woulds say "no it's not, bitch better respect" haha.
When you like someone its a pretty nice feeling, then you slowly start to look at aspects and would want to change this or that. But doesn't that ruin the image of that person that made you like them so much? What if I didn't like the way she dresses, is that enough for me to say no change your clothes and get mad about? Whatever she dresses in she's still the same person. What I'm trying to get through is that the perfect someone can be anyone you choose to be. Whoever said Love is blind is undoubtedly correct.

Well I remember a quote my dad told me when I was a freshmen one the way home from school, "no money no honey". Pretty broad dad thanks for the pep talk! He probably knew whats up I didn't have a clue but I noticed that month or something around there he made a few jokes about women. Normally he never does but It was pretty cool. I understand what he was trying to tell me, dad you did a lot for me and you're the best! HOnestly great advice, especially when you found that chick's panties in my room, "don't let your mom find this she will beat you". But looking at a down to earth perspective he's right! Love does not put food on the table as I was told by a friend's ex-girlfriend.

I remembered that conversation as I was at the courthouse on tuesday paying for my ticket. The lady at the window nicely told me my fine was 900 something dollars. That freaked me out and my heart stopped for a little bit. She then said once you show your proof of insurance it's the 157 price which revealed me. Crazy lady did that on purpose i presume for her amusement. I'd probably do the same to customers If I was her.

Other then that just your run about illegal activities to avoid fines here and there. Didn't really enjoy this month's paychecks "thank you state laws".

I got to make a new friend, besides that Chinese girl from the library. Whats her name... lyn? Wait no thats the girl from the coffee shop. Susan! Phuong's best friend, nice girl. Has a interesting perspective at sleeping. She did contridict herself a few times which I have a pet peeve against, but If I'm going to get on Phuong's nice side I should be on her friend's nice side too.

So I kept my mouth shut about that.

Also okie dokie was fun with the guys, ping pong drunk is good, I did notice I talk wayyy too much when I am drunk. Well not a lot actually but in my perspective more then usual. As professor Mead in his theory of the looking glass self, you adjust yourself to people's reaction to you. I am consciouses about my personality and behavior. Always trying to be a better person! =D never know, next life I might be a bug! But I don't believe in that bullcrap...

Well I doubt the mess I just wrote made much sense, but this is not english class.

Okay, so I have to vent a little stress out today. For the past two weeks I been trying to quit smoking. Its not a big deal, well maybe to some this is almost my fifth time trying. ha ha. I'll get it down for sure! Been kinda angry at certain people that I shouldn't be. Its the rage thing, as if I am PMS'ing. Anywho besides that I had a pretty good week.

Tuesday I woke up to an unknown phone call, I picked up and it was Mai on the other end of the line. I was pretty freakin surprised, its been four years plus since I last spoken to her. Now she's calling me? Actually she added me on myspace a week ago and I left her a msg with my number on it, I never thought she would call. Well apparently me and her sorta had a thing back in highschool, we flirted a lot but nothing came out of it. I have to say she is one special girl to me, I still have a letter she wrote to me back in sophomore year.

So good thing she called I was late for class, I forgot most of the conversation but she asked me to hang out today. I had class...but this time I'm not going to let this chance pass up after so long. I ditched one of my classes and drove over to her college and picked her up. Dude, she just looks amazing, she is short as hell haha she always been. Out of luck she really liked my beat up little street rice rocket haha. It was really cool, she was so into talking about cars with me and we just click@! I guess since she has strict parents she missed out on some of the youthful trend and life style.I really had a good time, I took her out to eat at BJ's, she wanted a drink but I didn't feel like getting her drunk so fast plus she didn't have a fake ID and she looks completely under aged.. I lost my appetite because we just sat there looking at each other and catching up on old times and whats been new with each other. Spent a few moments flirting, and it went great =). What really got me stoked about her is that she reaches over and opens the lock for my car on the inside after I open the door for her. If you didn't know my door is manual "shows how much she cares". Took her to the plaza near by to shop around then I took her to the beach. Some how I got lost on the way haha, but it was cool, I gained fifteen minutes just talking and driving with her. Of course she noticed and pointed it out telling me how I just want to spend more time with her. Which was true I didn't hide it, from the looks of it she liked it too.

When we got there we just walked around, I bought her some ice cream at this really cool place. Kinda romantic if it was at night. I took Mai to the beach at the edge of the sand and sat down on a bench, the sun was about to go down in about two hours so it wasn't really sunset but a calm glow. We just stared at each other and talk and at some point I just lost myself in her. We took a picture together but that's for me only.

Afterwards I just took her back but stopped by my apartment to grab a book since I have another class at 7pm. Showed her my room and stuff. Actually I took her to CSU Long Beach since her brother was going to drive her home. I wanted to kiss her but It's been too long and I didn't want to rush anything. When I walked her to the classroom she gave me a hug, since the top of her head reaches my chin I could only give her a kiss on her forehead, she's an innocent girl anyways, as far as I know.

Anyways she ran off to class and two days later we chatted online, she told me she had a good time "freaking awesome" and she wants to take me out to dinner her treat. Hope things go well, its not everyday I meet someone special like this twice in a lifetime. I'm really into her, all over again.

So it actually started to rain not too long after I got out of class. Haha and I was just mentioning about how nice and sunny today was. So yeah Its twenty till midnight and a few hours ago I got sick of the keyboard I was using. Looked around online and I had this urge to buy myself something! I know I shouldn't because this is a tight month with all the tickets due soon and stuff.....but I'm giving up smoking already so I think this is fair ;). So yeah I returned some headphones I been using to exchange for this keyboard since I couldn't find the box for the new keyboard I bought. I was wayyyyy past the 30 day return policy for the headphones so I bit my lip and took a dive.

Got to Fry's Electronic Store and I was really hoping for some credit, that was my initial plan. So there was this Indian chick, or Persian I cannot tell. From the look on her face she had a exhausting day and her eyes tell me she been staring at the computer for most of the day. I was like "Hey hows it going! I'd like to exchange this headset" She looked at me and asked "What was wrong with it?" And I was like "Oh well someone doesn't appreciate gifts". She laughed! Great, I'm getting on her good side I told myself. You see these people have the power to override anything they want. Technically I am not able to exchange or return since I bought these headphones...Jan 1 and today is March 5th. I mean my lips were like a suction cup on her booty. I started to make a little chit chat to keep her busy and unattentive to all the miscellaneous details such as...you know, the date! "So how was your day" blah blah "oh thanks for asking I'm pretty tired" I was like "Oh me too, today is my day off and I'm pretty damn glad!" She takes her eyes off the computer screen and looks at me with a hint of a smile "Oh you're young you have lots of energy" I laughed my fake laugh, Ha Ha Ha, you so funny. "Do you have your receipt with you sir?" I opened my wallet and there it was, I knew she is going to find the date of purchase sooner or later when she runs my card but to be on the safe side..."You know what let me look in my wallet I'm sure its here" ... few moments later.... "I'm sorry I can't find it maybe its somewhere in my car would you like me to get it?" Now its pouring rain outside, my shoes are wet, and I don't want her to call my bluff. If she had any sympathy for me this is the time to show it! "Oh its fine, let me get my manager to approve the credit for exchange". =D WOO HOOO! 90 return policy? I tihnk not! Return policy in writing is so overrated.

So now I am sitting here typing this on my new sexy keyboard, leaned back ^_~ with the keyboard in my lap chillllllllin and satisfied. Came with a little dinky mouse too, but I prefer my current ultra cool glow in the dark mouse. =D

well im finally awake and I made it to class early enough to get some decent parking =D woo hoo. I hate walking far to the car. So im here in the new buisness building chillin before class starts. Got a few more minuets, getting a little hungry probably buy a small cheap snack later or something till I get home. Its a nice morning, sunny, has enough clouds in the sky so you can make out whatever your imagination comes up with. I am pretty bored, usually I'll go check something out or do stuff but here I am writing in this blog before the day started haha. One thing I did notice is that the same girl I think I saw in ISDS class was also here in this area chilling two days ago. Maybe she has my finance class too, anyways I wished I had gotten into that class. I'm stuck with only 9 units this semester, lowest I ever took, but not like I care THAT much right? Less work, just means I'll be here for summer class ;).

I also downloaded this mixtape by some dude on piratebay, It has a few really cool songs, and a lot of really blah songs. The whole collection is composed of Indy Alt music, not for everyone, and certainly most of them is not for me haha. But a few gems stood out like Flunk - blue monday a remake of new order's blue monday. Most people probably won't appreciate that song unless they know the original.

I just noticed that the starbucks right here to my left, has a line out the window by at least 10 people. So bad that there is a girl taking orders in line like how they do at In and Out. Makes me wonder if these guys have such a gap between class and the time to stand in line for coffee, unless they are caffeine addicts then that would make sense. I was one once =) good ol days. Hey I noticed the song I'm listening to is pretty cool Fleeting joys - you are the darkness. And this girl that is sitting next to me, she just got up and picked up her bag. Her aroma filled the air which I caught a hint of, never thought I say this but that was a beautiful scent! I'd laugh at myself if I ever find out that it is some cheap target perfume. Well time for class.

So I'm sitting here in the library at this study desk listening to some music through my laptop. Its about 5:28pm and I am fairly tired, been stuck on campus since early morning around 9am. The atmosphere here seems pretty flat and dead. Theres about only 10 people sitting some where around here max. Really quiet..
nothing close to interesting besides a few girls walking on campus I can see outside my window. Dude I am totally bored out of my mind, I just watched an hour of CNN videos and spent another half an hour looking for some song to download "Didn't even get the song". Um I heard it on Marylin's myspace, honestly I had no idea who sang it till i kept on listening to it. Sounded familiar but I couldn't put my finger on it exactly. Googled it and it was Saves the day! That's another band I completely forgot about from highschool. I been making a list of songs for the past few months, composed of mostly artist that I liked in my highschool days. Yeah my harddrive died a few years ago and I lost a dope collection of mp3's. Major bummer but I started all over again, honestly the music I have now is microscopic compared to the vast amount of P2P songs I had. The depressing part is that I can't remember all of the artist I lost, so when they do pop up again I type it up on my cellphone if I'm on the go or type it up on a notepad. Yup its a long scrutinous task but the satisfaction of listening to a old song smacks that nostalgic feeling into me. Ahhh memories!

So its....Five fourty 2 and only about an hour and twenty minutes to go until class starts. I don't think I will survive unless I take an abundance of notes to keep myself from nodding off. Oh and I get to sit next to Thuy! She is one strange girl, I used to like her, but this chick has personal issues she needs to resolve within herself before anything. It's very unappealing, I try to talk to her but she think she is the renaissance girl. She is a twig and she takes wrestling class, I think thats neat but there's a line between confidence and being who you are. ANYWAYS point is she plays hard to get x562. F that! Well my friends did call her strange at first, I defended her while they did. Up till the point where she kinda...got weird to me. Haha It's strange how I used to have a crush on her, and now I just see the more I know the person, the better my judgment becomes "well most of the time".

Dude this chair is starting to hurt my back. I am getting tiredddddd! Oh I just remembered, Mai found me on myspace yesturday. I was like wtf, who are you? Anyways Mai is some girl back in highschool I had a crush on, we had spanish class together. I flunked that class because all I did was pretend to listen at the professor and stare at Mai lol. We wrote a few notes to each other back and forth, she knew I liked her and likewise. I forgot the rest of the details. It was back then when I got that butterfly feeling in my stomach when I'm around her. Ever since HS never had the same feeling about a girl again. Is it necessary for me to be that naive about my feelings? When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up my childish ways. Corinthians 13:11. But yeah she's on of those special girls that I wanted. Shes very christian, I hope she is not anything like Tammy. Tammy was a psychotic nymph. Horrid chapter of my life where my innocence was crucified lol.

Read More 0 comments | Posted by J M

Yo whats up!

Haha I should stop having introductions to these ridiculous posts I make, no one is reading! So anyways, today I awoke to a cell phone on my face vibrating. I rolled to the side and It slipped off my face and landed on the pillow. I gave it a glance and I noticed it was Phuong "Thanks for falling asleep on me". Well reality came flying back at me and I realized I fell asleep on the phone with her last night. For those who don't know, Phuong is this... really cute chick from Texas that I personally think is really cool, bootylicious also pretty darn sexy has a good heart. Anyways its complicated to say ill keep my mouth shut really since I know you're reading! So I check the time posted and it was 11am, then I'm like crap! I'm late for something! normally When my lazy skinny ass wake up I am usually late, but today, today is Sunday. The holy day of mine where I am not required to be anywhere, or do any sorts of things, nothing! So I do my routine of closing my eyes and telling myself another 10 or 20 min.

Fast forward to when I do get up and a few more blah blah text messages back to the lovely Phuong, I realized that no one is home besides my bro that's visiting over the weekend. He's awake in the living room on the laptop. I sit down on the carpet in front of the tv next to him and he says quack quack squabble squabble, then I'm like yeah, fo sho. He gave me a look and says, "You're not awake yet huh, your mind isn't processing anything". Caught red handed! Like hell I knew what he said. Later on the day after some stuff I did, I can't recall honestly. I went out to drop some stuff off at my Aunt's pad, return some vietnamese dvds from my parents. No one was home so I bounced to the barber shop.

This dude, and I mean I feel this is the Dude of all Dudes, Elvis. He's Asian though, now don't get me wrong. Elvis is not some impersonator fan mumbo jumbo crap that you see on tv. My barber been cutting my hair ever since I was TINY, 5 or 6. He's chill, has big hair do slicked back just like Elvis back in the days. Well he had a line of people waiting so I went around the plaza to get some snacks. I dropped by this specialty store that sells exotic asian beef jerk and strange candy. I picked up some gummy bears since I had a crave for it. Everything in this store is priced by pounds, gummys at 5 bucks. Most jerky is at 18 bucks/lb, I have tickets to pay to the mother F'in city, Costa mesa and Santa ana, so no spoiling myself with some juicy stuff today. The funny thing about this store is that they have these old ladies walking around offering you samples of food, except they have a personality of a pushy car sales men. They offer you stuff and ask you how much and fills the bag for you. 9/10 of the time they say is over 1 pound okay? Since they are eyeing it when they scoop up whatever it is you are buying. So I walk up to the register, slide out my debit card and this old Chinese bitch has the audacity to tell me, card with 20 dollar purchases only please. Well I'm not a angry person but let me just say that I have not smoked for a while and I am on a cold turkey process. I tell this chinky bitch what the shit is this! Why can't you chink people realize that the fucking world does not stay in the stone age with your wrinkly ass! I know they do this to avoid taxes, but seriously, come'on. I wouldn't have bought those gummy bears if they weren't a necessity. Left the flippin store as soon as i can to get my hair cut.

Got home, had some dinner with the family. Well, poped a beer since we bought some beer this morning as an offering to my dead uncle, today is the yearly anniversary. I normally don't appreciate the taste of Heineken but why not =). So my sister was like damn, alcoholic. I'm like whatever dude, this is just a second beer. Then my mom started to use this excuse like any opening she has to attack me with blows from actions that I do that she does not condone. Oh look at him, drinking now and even smoking. I been keeping that smoking thing a secret for two years but she recently found out. Annoys the crap out of me, women! gah!!!!! Honestly, no matter where they come from and what background, they all have some genetic trait about saving information and using it against you later on at the right moment. My dad and bro just sat there and shut up since they both smoke. So I just shut up and let the moment pass to another subject they can squabble about. Well yeah they did change conversations and stuff and I got the heat off me.

Vince hit me up a few moments later asking if I want to go to The Lounge next weekend. Should be fun, I need to see some girls, my life is empty as it is. Its the nonexistent romance that left a dry aftertaste in my mouth that I need to wash out. But girls chilling at places like that looking to fuck around or think they are the shit, is that the type of girls I want to look for? I mean those girls have huge vagina's I'm assuming! Now I'm being too stereotypical about people, haha I'm sure I'll have a good time. I usually hate those places.